I always thought

be able to eat

anything I wanted

I would eat

at the Soup Plantation

filled plates of pasta primavera

With marina

 raisin carrot salad

-end the meal with

chocolate brownies

smothered with vanilla ice cream.

 My iron stomach loved

to burst at its seams.

 At CPK

I would gobble 7 pieces

of sour dough bread.

But then my friend Paul

Died of colon cancer

 56

 And I developed

a mysterious pain

On my right side.

 Paul began haunting me

 Even after a colonoscopy

 MRI

Ultrasound

 Small Bowel Oxygen Bacteria test

 All results were negative.

 So, by default

I was awarded

 Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

One by one

 the orgasmic joys

got eliminated.

Gluten Free

 became my cross to bare.

 I went on the FODMap diet

which should be called fuckmap

no honey

no pears or peaches

 no garlic

 no onions

 no beans

 no avocado.

Did I feel better?

 A little

But when I went off the diet

I was worse.