Metaphors:
Gordon was a rejuvenated dried fruit
waiting to be picked
Showing rather than telling:
Gordon was angry at the Covid virus
Gordon screamed Fuck you Covid
Tenses (past versus present):
Gordon had wilted after he’d walked 7,500 steps
Gordon is wilting as he finishes walking his 7,500 steps
Don’t over write:
Spigots of scalding expensive water
Devoured my wilting parched dried rubbery skin
Question believability of dialogue:
“You grip my feet into crippled anthems.”
First person versus third person:
I was screaming into the bulbous black hole.
Gordon screamed into the bulbous black hole.
Inanimate objects having dialogue or feelings
Blue walls were bleeding and singing “Goodbye.”
I imagine this is pretty cathartic for you
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